Unlimited Technical Jokes - IT, CS HUMOUR

1.  Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press any key' to 'Press Enter key' because of the flood of calls asking where is the 'Any' key.

     

2.  AST technical support had a called complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packed in !

    

3.  Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. The customer had stuck labels on the diskettes. then rolled them into his typewriter to type on the labels.

    

4.  Another customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later. a letter arrived from the customer along with photocopies of the floppies.

    

5.  A Dell technician advised a customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, put the receiver next to the phone, crossed his room and closed the door to his room.

    

6.  Another Del customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting. the tech discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the 'Send' key.

    

7.  Yet another Dell customer called to complain desk that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaked the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

    

8.  A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was engaged because his computer had told him he was 'bad and invalid'. The tech explained that the computer's 'bad' command and 'invalid' resoponses shouldn't be taken personally.

    
9.  An exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get her new Dell computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on" this foot pedal and nothing happened". The 'foot pedal' turned out to be the computer's mouse.

    

10.      A confused caller to IBM told the technician that the computer had said it 'couldn't find printer'. The user had tried turning the computer screen to face the printer, but that his computer 'still' couldn't 'see' the printer.

      

11.      Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. she said, she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes, waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked 'what power switch ? '

    

At 3:37 a.m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up!

    

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"

Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

    

One woman called Dell's toll-free line to ask how to install the batteries in her laptop. When told that the directions were on the first page of the manual the woman replied angrily, "I just paid $2,000 for this damn thing, and I'm not going to read the book!"

    

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

    

Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer "No..."

    

Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

    

Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."

Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"

Customer: "I can't open the box."

Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."

Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

    

Customer: "I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type 'INSTALL', all it says is 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Ok, check the directory of the A: drive-go to A:\ and type'dir'."

Customer reads off a list of file names, including 'INSTALL.EXE'.

Tech Support: "All right, the correct file is there. Type 'INSTALL' again."

Customer: "Ok." (pause) "Still says 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: "Hmmm. The file's there in the correct place-it can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?"

Customer: "Yes, let me try it again." (pause) "Nope, still 'Bad command or file name'."

Tech Support: (now really confused) "Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says 'Enter'?"

Customer: "Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key...does that matter?

    

At our company we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by scanning the computer's asset barcode or using the number beneath the bars.

Customer: "Hello. I can't get on the network."

Tech Support: "Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage."

Customer: "What is that?"

Tech Support: "That little barcode on the front of your computer."

Customer: "Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar . . ."